But. I have to make the things for anyone to see and appreciate - and maybe even love them. I am a paper artist. Like a quilter sews fabric, I sew paper. I pride myself on my craftsmanship, developed over years of making pieces for friends (and giving them away without taking a single photograph, doh!). I have amassed an enormous collection of paper, threads, needles, beads, etc. As most of my pieces are small, I could produce work for about 6 months on the materials I've already got in my house.
It's the starting though. The starting is hard, and strangely emotional. I suppose it is being afraid of success. I know I am very good at what I do. I know it! If I could just create all day and do nothing else, it would transform my life. As I've never done that before, I can't visualise what that looks like and so it's scary.
However, the tide is changing. Recent events have helped me to pluck myself out of the mist of indecision and procrastination. Firstly, I went to see Annick McKenzie.
Annick is an extremely talented artist, as well as beautiful, kind, and wise. Annick also happens to live in one of the most stunning places I have been in quite some time. She helped me to remember that it's not an all-or-nothing game. I don't have to be an artist every second of the day in order to be successful. I can be Your Ad Hoc PA one day or week and then be paperkatie the rest of the days, or vice versa. When I got home from seeing Annick, I felt like having a party, such a weight had been lifted!
The next day, I read this blog post by the incredibly wise and well-versed Barney Davey. It pushed me over the edge, in the best way possible.
One of the ranges I want to produce is called paperbabie - personalised gifts for babies. As a new mum myself, I know a lot of other people with babies, so I am making them my unwitting guinea pigs. I can get back into the groove by practising on gifts for them. I'm using a few new techniques these days and this will also help me to perfect those.
So, drumroll please..... last night I started making a duck and a car. That sounds like nothing, I realise. Not serious artist stuff for sure. But a start! And a reminder to me that, hey, I know how to do this. I can do this.
It's not easy. Even a little paper duck brings up big emotions: it's not good enough (already, and I've only just cut out the two sides), the paper has a mark on it, I don't have enough space to work, the duck's too big, blah blah blah. But I'm persevering! I'm surrounded by paper duck detritus as I type, and once I've hit 'publish' I'll get stuck in to duck making, so to speak.